These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
