Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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