can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
