I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
