It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
