Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
