Say something about gay babies.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
