I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
