Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
