i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
