I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
