just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
