Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
