He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
