whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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