Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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