You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
