this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
