Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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