that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
