I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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