remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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