he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
