How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What drink are we having for lunch?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
