I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
