no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
