Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
