How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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