I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
