I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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