ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
