she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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