The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
