Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
