What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
