lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
