i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
