I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was born a porn star she said
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
