The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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