I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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