I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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