For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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