for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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