i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
