Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
