we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
