I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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