i just wanna soil my oats bro
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
