Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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