and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
