there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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