We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
